This Feeling Is So Unfamiliar, Yet It Can Be Bitter And Sweet At The Same Time.

This Few Weeks Are Really Hell. So Many Many Projects To Be Completed Within A Short Period Of Time. Really Hell. Lots Of Presentations As Well. Really Hope My Brain Is Still Functioning. Still Have To Endure For Another Two Weeks Of Presentations Before The Final Exams And Danggggg~ Here Comes My 7 Weeks Holidays. Really Looking Forward To It.

But That Aside. Lots Of Meet-Ups With My Close Friends In Between This Schedules Still Kept Me Alive And Kicking. Wooooooo. Love All My Awesome Friends, Brothers And Sistersss! Friday Had Dinner With The Zai 4C Guys! HAHAA! And Mr Rich Treated Us To Soup Restaurant. So Usual Of Him. And He Let This Stupid Idiot Asshole To Order, Which He End Up Ordering So Much That A Person Like Me Who Doesn't Like Food Wastage, Has To Finish Up All The Leftovers. HAHAHAA! Great Time Chatting As Well. ( Times I Truly Missed After Going To Poly )

As For Saturday, Was Chosen As A Facilitator For ITE College East! Great Bunch Of Enthusiastic And Cooperative People. And Met Up With Someone Which I Haven't Seen For Like Ages. HAHAA! Bak Kut Teh! Woooo! After That Was The Best Part. Meeting Up With A Friend I've Made On Twitter For The First Timeee. Surprisingly, It Wasn't Awkward. (: SNOW ICEEEEE!

Great Weekends. At Least It Gives Me A Break To Prepare For What's Ahead. Though What I Really Need Is A Really Really Long Break.

不知不觉

渐渐地

发现自己

爱上了你

Shouldn't Think So Much. Thinking Sometimes Creates Problems That Weren't There In The First Place.

Really Need A Break. Tired All Day. Having Insomnia, I Guess. Can't Really Sleep Till Is Really Late.

Can't Wait For The 7 Weeks Break To Come. And I Want To Watch All The Really Nice Movies That Has Came Out And Those That Are Coming Out, Like Monster University, Despicable Me 2 And Smurfs 2!!! But I Always Find Myself So Busy That I Really Barely Have Time For These Stuffs.

All The Project Starts To Kick In At Once, And You Won't Feel The Stress Till The Dateline Draws Nearer And That's When You Realise Alot Hasn't Been Done. As Humans, When We Have Lots Of Time On Hand, We Procrastinate. Always Tell Ourselves 'It's Still Early, It's Still Early.' But No. If You Count The Workload That Has To Be Completed In The Period Of Time, It's Not Early. Probably Have 4-5 Days On Average To Focus On 1 Project. That's Short Enough.

But.. Always Tell Myself Not To Procrastinate, But I Still Do So.. Really Ironical. And Contradictory. HAHAA!

不管怎样

我还是认为

如果让步

不代表我虚弱

只不过是不想惹麻烦

I've Never Regretted My Decision To This Extend Before. This Is The First Time, And I Hope It'll Be The Last.

I Really Don't Know Where To Start With. Tired. Tired Of Everything. And This Is The Place Where I Can Get To Pour Out My Feelings Only Without Attracting Attention. And Anyway, There's No Point Showing It To Other People. No One Will Care. I Just Have To Get Used To It, Or Maybe I Never Will. But This Is My Life. And My Life Sucks.

Tired Of Waking Up Early Like Almost Every Single Day. But That's Physically Tired. I Still Can Tank. Actually I'm Quite Used To It, But It Really Affects My Mood Every Morning And Maybe My Concentration In Tutorials Or Lecture. But That Aside.

I Really Want To Convince Myself I Didn't Went Into The Wrong Course. The Wrong Place. I Don't Know. It's So Stressed In My Course. So Many Projects And Work And There's So Many Things To Crammed Into My Tiny Head During Each Lecture. I Wish I Was A Robot And Can Have Hard Disk Installed Into My Head. HAHAA! 

I Can't Seem To Get Along With People. Not Everyone, But Most People. And As Time Passes By, People Should Grow Closer, But That's Not True All The Time. People Grow Closer, But I Grow Further And Further. I'm Invisible. Almost. Been So Quiet This Days That Even I'm Really Scared Of Myself. Never Been This Low. What's Inside Is So Dark I Can't Even See. Faking All That Smile ( If I Do ) Or Acting As If Nothing's Wrong. Yes. That's So Like Me. HAHAA! 

The Worst Part Of Me That Most People Will See Is That When I Can't Seem To Fit In, I Can Become Like Really Super Super Quiet And Invisible And Then Suddenly Ninja And Disappear. HAHAA! But The Best Part Of Me, I Don't Want To Say. Only My Really Close Friends Know, That's How And Why We Become Really Close. 

The Worst Thing. I Can't Seem To Fit Myself Into My Class. I See Them Almost Everyday. But Me And My Class As A Whole, Just Don't Go Together. They Are A Nice And Awesome Bunch Of People. It's My Problem. Because Most Of Them Are Really Bonded Together And Can Go Crazy And Do Crazy Stuffs. And Nope. I Do Crazy Stuffs, But Just Can't Seem To Do It With Them. I Feel Very Extra. Every Photo Taking That Has To Include Me Into That Picture As A Whole, Is Really So Painful. But I Really Don't Know How To Reject. And It's Not Because Of The Interest Problem Only. Actually I Can't Really Explain Why. Maybe I'm A Burden. Maybe I Really Don't Like To Talk In A Big Group. Their Bond Will Only Get Stronger By The Day. And I'm Truely Happy For Them. Yep Indeed. TF21 Is The Most Bonded Class, If You Put Me Outta The Picture. Extra.

It's Okay For Me. I Need To Get Used To It. Loneliness. WHAT'S THAT MAN!? I'm Gonna Eat It Up. I Really Hope I Can Just Concentrate On My Studies Only. But I'm Lazy.. So.. HAHAA! I Would've Dropped Out Of This Course If My Parents Allowed. Too Many Reasons For Me To Do So. But If I Do So, My Parents Will KILL MEEEE! So Cannot. Need To Endure For Another 2 Years. JIAYOU TY!!! CAN ONE! (:

Jogging Is No Longer Useful. It Doesn't Help Me Like How It Used To Anymore. This Had Reached A Whole New Level. I Need A Larger Dose To Numb Myself. But I Haven't Thought Of Anything I Could Do To Actually Throw Out Everything That Is Kept Inside.

我需要的不是同情

是真正的友情

能陪我哭笑

陪我度过喜怒哀乐

So Hidden. And Here Is Where I Can Spill It All Out..

Today Is So Not My Day. It Just Made Me Reflect Even Deeper.

The Feeling Of Being Left Out Just Got Worst By The Days. Yep Everyone Has Their Own Cliques, And I Can't Seem To Fit In Anywhere. I'm A Complicated Piece Of Jigsaw That Cannot Be Fixed Into The Puzzle. I Don't Know. It Just Seems To Be Because Of The Things I Do Or Don't Do. Maybe That's Why. Just Feel Extra Everywhere I Go. Having Friends Is One Thing. I Have Many Of Them. But Being Able To Blend In With Them Is Another Thing.

Dinner Today With FOCAS People Was Great. Get To See Everyone. HAHAA! Able To Chit-Chat Within The Group Before Everyone.. Splitted Into Their Self Created Groups. And Yep. I Realised I Don't Fit Into Anywhere. The Feeling Of Being Extra. Kinda Awkward. So Not Used. Made Me Realised How Much I Missed Life In Sec School. Love All My Awesome Friends. Didn't Have As Many Friends, But The Friends I Had Was Enough, Because They Are The Friends Whom I Really Needed In My Life. 

And The The Best Reason I Can Probably Come Up With. Interest. I Don't Do Too Many Things. I Don't Blog Shop, I Don't Dress Up, I Don't Gym, I Don't Smoke, I Don't Club. I Don't Fit In. And When I Don't, I Just Become A Quiet Person. Been So Quiet These Days. I Don't Feel Like Talking, And Then End Up Being Ignored. It's Just Not My Conversation. Maybe I'm Not Trying, Or I'm Just Trying Too Hard Without Realising Because I Really Can't See Myself Actually Trying.

And The Worst Thing. My Parents Don't Even Understand Me. Seems Like I Can't Join iDare Camp This Time. All They Say Is I Keep Joining Camps And Never Focus On Studies And When I Told Them Camps Are During Holidays, They Say I Never Contribute To The House Etc. They Just Don't Want Me To Join Because What They Say Ain't True. I Contribute During Holidays, But Not Now Because It's School Term. And When I Don't Do Well, You All Nag At Me. This Just Doesn't Make Any Sense. Not Anymore. I'm Too Tired To Argue. Too Shag. And Maybe It Just Isn't Your Day Too, So I Don't Want To Blow Things Up. Maybe It's Better I Don't Go. Maybe. I Really Hope So...

Alone. I Really Feel Like Throwing Everything Into The Bin.

好累好累

我也很希望

自己能开始习惯

孤独的生活

可惜不知要等到

何时何时

What Will You Do When You Hate Yourself So Much That You Wish You Didn't Exist?

I Am Just Me. And Maybe I Wish I Wasn't Me. Not Perfect. Not Anywhere Near. But If You Look At It From Another View Point, I'm Perfectly Imperfect. 

Clumsy Me. Always That Clumsy. Blur Plus Clumsy, Like Sotong Onlyyy. Maybe That's Why I Hate Myself. Yeppp. I Mean I Always End Up As A Burden In Some Way. I Just Feel Really Bad, Especially When I'm Clumsy And I Not Only Embarrass Myself, But More Importantly, My Friends Too. And I Feel Really Guilty And Bad. I Also Cause Them Trouble Sometimes. It's Just Me. But It Has Been Like That Since Young, And I Thought It Died Down. But Noooo. Today..

Just Don't Know. When One Is Clumsy, Even Simple Things Can Go Wrong. But More Importantly, I'm Thankful For Having Such Nice Friends Who Are There When I Needed Help ( To Clear The Mess ) And They Feel Okay Even If I Have Caused Them Embarrassment. But I Don't. I Just Feel Guilty, Because They Don't Deserve It. And All I Can Offer Them Is An Apology. Really Guilty...

我的笨拙

什么时候会改掉呢

也许永远也不会