I'm Definitely No Where Near That. But The Things He Do, The Way He Does It, The Type Of Person He Is, Feels So Familiar. Because That's How I Feel Most Of The Times. I'll Like To Put The Blame Of Everything That Happens On Myself. Anything That Happens That is Related To Me Has To Be My Fault Right? It's Either Me Not Trying, Not Trying Hard Enough Or Trying Too Hard. It's Just Stupid. I'm Stupid. Somehow I'll Always Think That If It's My Fault, Everyone Else Will Feel Better. Maybe Things Will Change. But That Isn't The Case Right?
I Make Mistakes Or At Least I Believe I Did And I Try To Make Things Right. If I Can't Then I'll Promise Myself To Stay Away So As To Not Bring More Pain Into Their Lives. I Guess That's What The Imperfect Me Is So Perfectly Good At.
I Guess That's Why I'm Always Helping Others And Taking Responsibilities For Things That Has Or Hasn't Got Anything To Do With Me. I'll Rather Be The One Taking All The Blame. It's Because I See Exactly How Little I'm Worth And To Make Myself Feel A Little Better, To Be Worth A Little More Maybe, I Got To Try. Not That Being Low Self Esteem Is Entirely A Bad Thing. Having The Ability To Constantly Reflect On Your Actions Actually Does Enough Good To Balance With The Bads.
Likewise, I'll Rather It Be Me Giving More, A Whole Lot More Than Receiving. I Used To Think If I Give Means I'll Receive But That's Just Bullshit. The World Don't Recognise How Much You Give Neither Do They Recognise How Much You Receive. Karma Don't Exist But Coincidence Does. But Soon Enough, I Realised You Cannot Give Without Receiving. It's Really Just A Matter Of Perception. Sometimes Giving Makes You Feel Better.
That Just Explains Me. Just Like How Xu Tai Yu Would Rather Run 50 Rounds Than To See Anyone Else In The Class Take The Blame. Just Like How He Would Change Himself Because He Didn't Want To Lose Another Friend. That Thought Is So Familiar, Of Course Not Exactly Applicable In Our World Since It's Just A Movie, But In The Small Things That Is Happening In My Life. That's What I've Been Trying To Do Constantly. It May Not Be Recognised But I Really Don't Care Anymore. If I Exist Then This Has To Be The Reason I Did. I Guess I'll Always Be A Cushion For Others To Fall On To. And One Day That Cushion Will Lose It's Cushioning And Hopefully That'll Be The Day I'll Take The Greatest Fall Of Someone's Life. And.. Maybe, Just Maybe I Could Make A Difference..
快乐不是里说当然的
你能拥有它
你也能失去它
但是它一直都存在
